


You understand I'm hurting

by redhead_writer



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Minor Violence, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 06:09:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29880246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redhead_writer/pseuds/redhead_writer
Summary: The Fall of Gondolin haunts Glorfindel's sleep and he does something he regrets.
Relationships: Erestor/Glorfindel (Tolkien)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	You understand I'm hurting

**Author's Note:**

> I've recently come to love this pairing and am writing in the hopes of inspiring others to publish new works for these two (they're my favourite!). 
> 
> There's very minor violence but mostly hurt/comfort in this fic with a sad!Glorfindel because I often think of sad!Erestor and I wanted to try something different.

“Glorfindel, _nin mel_ , it’s alright. I’m fine. I know you didn’t mean to do any of that.” Erestor whispered gently into his _herven’s_ pointy ear. The counsellor felt as yet another tear dripped onto his ebony hair – Erestor knew Glorfindel was shaken, this was the first time he had ever seen him cry.

“No Erestor, it’s not okay. I-I hurt you.” He whimpered miserably. Part of Erestor was surprised at seeing such raw emotions; despite being extremely close to each other, this was the first time Glorfindel had fully dropped all his walls. To others, he was bright, open and full of wonder. Only Erestor got to see how, even after all this time, the hellish Fall of Gondolin plagued his mind and invaded his sleep. Erestor snuggled closer to his love underneath the work desk where he’d been hiding from him not too long ago. The bruises on his body were only minor, not counting the large blue-black ones on Erestor’s neck, but the sight was enough to send Glorfindel into a second-wave of guilt-ridden panic.

Neither of the ellyn were exactly sure what had triggered such a violent reaction on this occasion (reliving his death was devastating but at least Glorfindel knew what to expect). The petrified look in Glorfindel’s bright blue eyes as he realised what he’d done would definitely haunt Erestor’s dreams for nights to come. Whilst Erestor certainly wasn’t defenceless, the balrog-slayer had centuries of experience and bulging muscles of brute-strength on his side.

The chief advisor had been asleep when it started. He’d later learn that Glorfindel dreamt of the traitor that had betrayed the secret of his city’s whereabouts. He’d learn that Glorfindel had woken in a blind panic, had seen the dark hair of the ellon in his bed and been unseeing when he’d assumed Erestor had, in fact, been a foe.

Glorfindel had landed hit after hit on Erestor. As the advisor suffered the rude awakening, it had been clear to the warrior that his opponent was unable to retaliate…so he went in for the kill.

His strong hands, made rough by extended practice with the sword, was large enough to wrap right around Erestor’s throat and the counsellor had no idea how long he’d resisted before the darkness fully took over. As he looked into his love’s eyes though, he’d known it wasn’t him. Not truly. Erestor had been prepared to grace the halls of Mandos without an ounce of blame for the one who killed him, for he knew it was not done with malice but fear.

When he’d awoken, Erestor had been surprised to say the least. A quick glance around the room had showed that the shared chambers were in ruins. Chairs were upturned, ink bottles smashed and parchment in disarray. Erestor, however, had been gently placed on the soft bed and the expensive satin sheets had been neatly tucked around his small form.

The dark-eyed ellon hadn’t cared about the comfort, all he’d wanted at that moment was his _herven_. He’d ignored the pain in his neck, well, the pain all over his small body in favour of finding Glorfindel.

For a warrior, his hiding place underneath Erestor’s desk had been terrible but he’d been willing to overlook that in order to deliver the comfort his Glorfindel so desperately needed. Erestor had curled his body up against Glorfindel’s (so they were both beneath the desk now) in an attempt to comfort him. Erestor made a vow to Eru that he wouldn’t leave until the golden-haired elf was consoled and the issue properly discussed. An indiscernible amount of time passed but the two were still there.

“We can get Elrond to make a tonic for sleepless nights.” Erestor offered in an attempt to break the silence. All the time they’d sat together they’d not spoken at all. Glorfindel’s hands, that often were tightly wrapped around his love, lay limp against him.

“What if it doesn’t work? What then?!” Glorfindel moaned upset.

“He’s one of the greatest healers in all of Arda, he’ll figure something out.” Erestor’s words which were usually so strong and irrefutable were now flat and hollow.

“What if it’s something that can’t be fixed? There’s just something wrong with me.” Glorfindel sighed dejectedly. Erestor knew it was bad. He couldn’t help but curse the Valar for being cruel enough to put his _herven_ through such torturous nightmares.

“Look,” Erestor started desperately, “everything is going to be alrigh-”

“No it isn’t!” Glorfindel screamed with tears now flowing freely down his red face. Erestor watched his face with curiosity. Although now certainly wasn’t the time, the scholar couldn’t help his wonder at seeing this rare side of Glorfindel.

Erestor knew a lot about his partner; like the way his nose twitched when he was angry at one of his recruits. Or that his eyebrows furrowed whenever he felt that mixture of confusion and irritation when he couldn’t make sense of the armoury budget. Erestor also paid particularly close attention to the way Glorfindel licked his lips almost constantly in order to calm himself on a rough day. But this was different and Erestor was transfixed. Not by the distraught state that the love of his life was in but by the way Erestor noticed how fragile Glorfindel truly was.

He’d always viewed him as a god, a picture of perfection, never before had Erestor seen a look so natural yet also alien on his sharp features. He looked… _vulnerable_. Erestor was unsure at first of what to do, usually he was the broken one. Erestor was the one who usually had problems, the dark elf who was never quite right or fully there. Not Glorfindel…never Glorfindel.

The balrog slayer seemed to calm as Erestor contemplated so he didn’t notice Glorfindel start to fiddle with his raven hair until he brushed through a knot and accidently yanked his head to the side. Erestor yelped, more out of shock than pain but the damage had been done.

“Oh Erestor, _nin mel_ , I’m so sorry! I-I just keep hurting you, don’t I?” Glorfindel said in alarm.

“No, no. _Lend er_ , it was just an accident-”

“NO!” Glorfindel raised his voice and flinched as he recognised his own menacing volume, “Sorry, I just meant that…ugh. I don’t think we should be together anymore.”

“You don’t mean that ‘Fin.”

“I don’t want to risk hurting you agai-”

“You’ll hurt me more by leaving!” Erestor began and stubbornly lifted his _herven’s_ jaw so that they looked each other in the eyes, “You’re not going to tell me that you put up with my rude remarks all those centuries before I finally allowed you to court me, only to let go of me now.” Erestor watched as Glorfindel made himself smaller and scolded himself for bringing up the time he’d rejected the golden elf. Even now, he couldn’t believe he had ever been afraid to love Glorfindel. Despite the assault, Erestor was surer now more than ever that he couldn’t live without his warrior.

The bruises on his neck hurt more when he spoke but that was hardly enough to get Erestor to give up when Glorfindel needed him most. He’d get Elrond to look at it later. “ _Lend er_ ,” he tried again much more gently, “I love you. I’d still be that lonely ellon without you. That ellon who was so scared of being loved that he shut everyone out, never realising that by doing that he was causing himself more pain.”

“But you were right to fear love. Look what it did to you, look what I did to you.”

“No. No, no Glorfindel. That’s not where I was going with that. You brought me out of myself. You shared your friends with me, your life, your heart. Don’t let one mistake undo all our love.”

Glorfindel glanced up and Erestor’s heart nearly broke at the newfound hope shining in his eyes. The counsellor smiled and decided to continue soothing him. It was nice to have things the other way around and for once be the one helping Glorfindel.

“I love you for the way you’re so strong and tough, never letting things get you down. I love you for the way you’re also sweet and caring, you’re always doting on me and making sure the others have everything they need. I love you for the way you’re so thoughtful, leaving little notes or messages when you’re on patrol. And, and-” This time Erestor was the one breaking down into tears. He let a contented sigh pass through his soft lips as Glorfindel finally wrapped his arms around Erestor, but the emotions were really too much for the dark elf. “And finally,” Erestor continued shaking, “I love you for the way you helped me and brought me back from the darkness when I, wh-when I thought it was going to consume me.”

“I would never let it get you _nin mel_.” Glorfindel reassured Erestor passionately.

“I know, I know.” Was the reply.

Together they sat arm in arm until the morning bell ran for breakfast. The sound of each other’s breath was enough to keep them both satisfied and they stayed there talking until both were assured things would work out fine. They’d talk to Elrond about the bad dreams and if that didn’t work, they’d send for Mithrandir. Either way, it’d be alright.

They’d be alright.

_Nin mel – my love_

_Herven – husband_

_Lend er – sweet one_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


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